Jared's Heart Read online

  Awkward silence replaced the afterglow of sex. Jared knew Matthias expected Jared to lash out, to turn bitter and remind him of what brought them together in the first place. The old Jared, anger and vengeful, would prick at the emotional wounds he knew would hurt Matthias the most. The new him was appalled at the petty revengeful fantasizes he used to harbor. After all they endured and experienced, how could Jared condemn a man who’d done his penance, a thousand times over?

  Instead, Jared leaned in close, brushing his tongue against the tips of the branch, and circled the nipple with his tongue, making Matthias groan. He didn’t know what words would be sufficient to make amends. The past weighed down on both of them like chains, but maybe, with each other’s help, they could shrug off those shackles, and teach each other to fly.

  “Jared,” Matthias murmured, running fingers through Jared’s hair.

  Any sensible person would flinch at the tender touch of a murderer, but not Jared. He leaned into Matthias’s touch, liking the feel of the calluses under his fingers, and the ink over his scarred knuckles. Funny how Jared felt so safe and at home with a stranger he just met. No, that wasn’t right either. Whatever Matthias was, he wasn’t a stranger. Hell, they knew each other so well, better than most intimate couples. Better too, because Matthias knew the best and worst parts of Jared. Only a matter of time Matthias and he sealed the deal.

  “You’re fucking amazing, pup. We can’t, I can’t—”

  Jared interrupted him. “We already did. Don’t tell me you’re now having second thoughts.”

  “That’s not what I mean, and you know it. I don’t regret this one bit, but I’m not right for you. Fuck.” Matthias drew in a sharp breath when Jared’s fingers traced the brickwork of his abs. Jared then tugged at the faint dusting of hair leading lower, to his cock, already at half-mast. Matthias grabbed his wrist, shaking his head. “Jared. The look in your eyes scares me.”

  Frowning, Jared asked, “How exactly am I looking at you?”

  “Like you assume there’s something more to this. Jared, you should be getting ready to end my life, not—”

  “I changed my mind,” Jared said curtly. “Don’t tell me what I’ve just experienced is one side.” To prove his point, Jared nodded to Matthias’s dick. “Tell me, if I wrap my lips around that massive cock, will you stop me?”

  “You’re a fucking brat,” Matthias said, not without affection. “Someone needs to collar you and reel you in.”

  “You?” Jared asked in a challenging tone.

  Matthias growled. “Don’t tempt me.”

  A snarl made Jared rise on his elbows from the ground. More cautiously, Matthias followed. Turning his head to look at his surroundings, Jared met the golden gaze of another wolf, staring below them from a slope. A slender beast, with a coat a shade darker than his own, watched him with grave eyes.

  “Jane,” he whispered, bolting to his feet.

  Matthias grew still. Jane turned on her heel and broke into a run. Cursing, Jared scooped his clothes from the ground, his mind racing. He felt a large hand on his shoulder. Matthias. Had Jane recognized Matthias? While she didn’t share Jared’s obsession, she should have. Christ, what would she think? Worse, what if she went to one of the Esteban siblings?

  “Judging by her reaction, she doesn’t know, does she?” Matthias asked.

  Dispensing the thought of running after Jane immediately, Jared turned back to Matthias. He grabbed the big man’s shoulders. Matthias looked shook up, and Jared had a feeling he was overthinking what just happened between them. Sooner or later, Matthias would drown with guilt. “I took advantage. Christ,” Matthias mumbled.

  “You didn’t. Fuck. I wanted this as much as I do. Don’t fucking ruin it,” Jared hissed. Matthias looked shocked by the ferocity of his words.

  “You mean that,” Matthias said, hesitating, probably gauging his reaction.

  “We can’t change the past,” Jared stated, making Matthias flinch. Although Jared would never forget, someday though, the past would be a mere footnote between them. “But the future isn’t set in stone. Why the fuck would you throw your life away? How would that help anyone?”

  Matthias looked stumped, but Jared could see his words began to sink in. When he gave Jared another assessing look, color rose to Jared’s cheeks. The same hunger lingered there, but something else too. Hope, although knowing Matthias, Jared knew Matthias didn’t believe another chance. “What are you going to tell Jane and your adopted parents?” Mathias eventually said.

  “The truth,” Jared said.

  “Is that wise?”

  “Probably not, but I’ve never ever been so certain in my life,” Jared said, and then smirked. “Unless you have somewhere else you want to go?”

  Matthias returned his smile, and then began donning his clothes. “I’ll be around.”

  Although Jared had been loathed to part ways, he couldn’t help it. Better to keep Matthias hidden until he’d convinced his family Matthias was—was what? Harmless? His mate? How could Jared manage that, when he still hadn’t gotten used to the thought?

  Mates. The word sounded odd to his ears, but Jared’s wolf knew it with a certainty.

  “Wait,” Jared began, when Matthias began to leave. Matthias turned and Jared leaned in, stealing another kiss, as if he needed convincing, an extra dose of courage the spark between them hadn’t been imagined. Heat leapt from Matthias’s mouth to his. Jared groaned into his mouth, as Matthias held him close, fingers deliciously gripping his skin.

  Matthias parted from his lips with reluctance. “Don’t, pup, or I’m going to fuck you again.”

  Tempting, but Jared turned sober when he remembered Jane. Wolves are hard to read, but Jared could read his sister’s emotions well enough. When they were younger, Jared always talked about taking vengeance. They’d plot together, kids united by one cause. In time, Jane grew out of it.

  Forgive and forget, but Jared knew his little sister. Like him, all the grief and anger hadn’t completely dissipated. Jared’s own slowly faded away, during all the years he kept in touch with Matthias. Those letters made him think less of Matthias as a monster, and more of a man who made one mistake, a mistake that shouldn’t define Matthias for the rest of his life. Jane didn’t know anything about Matthias though.

  “I’ll see you later. Wait.” Jared fished out the spare pen he kept in his jeans pocket. He wrote his cell phone number on Matthias’s arm. “Just in case.”

  With a heavy heart, Jared walked out of the woods and back to civilization. Not heavy, Jared realized. In fact, it felt like a load had been lifted off his shoulders. He wasted so much time, debating right and wrong, when the answer lay in front of him. God help him, but Jared loved Matthias.

  He didn’t know the exact moment he starting falling in love, but he put aside any advances other wolves in the pack made toward him. A part of him knew he’d already belonged to Matthias, reserved his heart for Matthias to break or cherish. Like Jared told Matthias, the past no longer mattered. Only the future did, and what was a future not worth fighting for?

  Chapter Five

  The sight of his opened apartment door confirmed Jared’s suspicions. He pushed his way in, and noted every bit of furniture remained in place. Jared prayed to God his suspicions turned out true, that Jane would chose to confront him first than bring up the issue to Sergio and the rest. He found her sitting on his bed, dazed expression on her face. Seeing his letters to Matthias lying scattered on the comforter, he swallowed, unsure where to begin.

  Jane looked up at him, eyes blurring with tears. She asked one damning word, full of accusation and shock. “Why?”

  “Jane, you need to understand,” Jared began, but she cut him off.

  “What do I understand, brother? That you kept in touch with our parents’ murderers, and judging by these words—damn it, Jared.” Jane picked up one letter.

  Jared caught sight of the date, and didn’t need to know anything else. He knew every word in all of Matthias
’s letters. Memorized them all by heart, keeping them close like a secret only shared between two of them, but now, Jane knew. She was the last person in the world Jared wanted to find out.

  “How did you find out?” Jared asked, hoping she wouldn’t be cruel enough to read passages out loud. She didn’t answer. “Mark told you, didn’t he?”

  Knowing Mark, Jared knew the other werewolf didn’t tell Jane on purpose. Carefree and with a fondness for talking without thinking, Mark probably only blurted out in passing.

  Jane ignored his question and went straight to the point. “I’m not dumb, brother. I can see you poured out your soul in each one. God, if I didn’t recognize your handwriting, I’d have thought this man is a stranger.”

  “I’m not a stranger, Janey. I’m still the same,” Jared said, sounding calm enough. “Will you let me explain, or will you judge without knowing my side of the story?”

  Some part of Jared knew explanations were futile. Jane would never understand, because she’d never see past her hate, same as Jared before. “Help me understand then,” she said, struggling to keep her expression neutral but failing.

  “Jane, the first letter I wrote to him had been one written in anger, but people change. In the end, Matthias did his time. He deserves a second chance.”

  “Does he?” Jane asked her tone unforgiving. “He played you, brother, and you’re blind to see it.”

  She began to crumble the letter in her hand but Jared couldn’t bear to see evidence of his complex and profound relationship with Matthias destroyed. They weren’t just pieces of paper to him. Each response, each plea and threat, were bits and pieces of their souls bared, Matthias’s and his. Clamping a hand around Jane’s hand, she drew a sharp breath. Feeling guilty, Jared gently peeled her fingers from the paper. Without another word, he began gathering the letters in a neat pile. Jane watched him. What she thought was hard to tell.

  “You knew this killer’s release date,” Jane said after he finished placing all the letters back into his rightful folder.

  “Yeah.” Jared had a feeling he wouldn’t like where this conversation was heading.

  “He offered his life, and you offered to take it. Tell me, brother. How did it end up with you fucking him?”

  Jared flinched at those words. Denial rose on the tip of his tongue. A good brother would justify his actions, but Jared had none. His wolf and Matthias’s bear knew the truth. “Jane,” Jared said gently. “Matthias is my mate. I’ve suspected for a long time but—”

  “Don’t,” Jane hissed, wagging a threatening finger. “Stop lying, stop defending a killer.”

  “I’m not lying.” Anger welled inside Jared. He knew this would be hard, but God, he was sick of being judged, especially by his only blood. Jared’s blood grew cold when his ears picked the sound of wheels halting on gravel from the open window in his room. The invisible pack bonds connecting all members of the Darkfall pack thrummed, confirming his greatest fear.

  Jared didn’t have to look out the window to know the pack Alpha, Sergio, was downstairs, probably with Alessio and Michella by his side. Paling, he turned to Jane. “You called them.”

  “You need help, brother. It’s for your own good,” she whispered.

  Before Jared did something he regretted, he walked out of his room and the front door. He brushed aside the slender hand on his shoulder.

  “Jared, don’t leave. Where are you going?” Jane demanded.

  “To Matthias. I didn’t drag him here so he can be slaughtered by other wolves,” Jared snapped. Avoiding the elevator, Jared headed for the emergency exit. Jane didn’t run after him. She didn’t need to, because sooner or later, Jared would be brought in, but this wasn’t a pack issue. Matthias wasn’t a damn threat to anyone.

  Heart racing, Jared hurried down the flight of stairs. Jared was panting by the time he reached the first level and out the back door leading to an alley. By now the Esteban siblings probably reached his apartment, and Jane would be spinning lies. Jane wasn’t his enemy, Jared knew, only trying to protect her big brother against a mistake she thought he was committing.

  Clutching the folder in his arm, Jared was about to head to the curb to reach his car. Seeing Alessio pacing the sidewalk, cell phone in hand, he halted. Alessio had that grin on his face, telling Jared he was talking to his half-demon mate. The beta’s sharp eye caught his figure though. Alessio frowned, ending the call.

  “Jared!” Alessio yelled when Jared darted quickly from the alleyway.

  With shaking fingers he managed to unlock his car door and slip in. Starting the engine, Jared stepped on the accelerator and headed for the motel Matthias currently stayed in.

  Chapter Six

  Matthias didn’t know how the Torello family tracked his location down. He shouldn’t be too surprised. When the phone in his motel room rang, Matthias made a grab for it, thinking it would be Jared.

  “Congrats, Hudson. You’re out of prison, but you seemed to miss a little detail. When did you plan on giving us a ring, or did you plan on running?” Al Torello’s greasy voice asked.

  Matthias’s heart nearly stopped in his chest. Of course, even a prominent shifter crime family based in Chicago would have spies to keep an eye on his comings and goings. “I got a little carried away by time, but I don’t make promises I can’t keep.” Christ, a fucking lie, but Matthias had to resort to whatever means possible now that the stakes were so high.

  When he kissed Jared, he didn’t know what kind of reaction it would cost. Matthias merely wanted one last farewell a souvenir, a sweet memory before Jared took his life. The explosive chemistry between his bear and Jared’s wolf he didn’t expect, although Matthias should have anticipated it the moment Jared and he met.

  “Our accountant did a quick check on your bank account, Hudson. All he sees are zeros. How are you going to come up with a million?” Al didn’t sound mad, simply condescending, like a dealer who found out his gambler had nothing else to offer on the table.

  “That’s the reason why I’m in Darkfall. A friend’s holding the cash for me,” Matthias said without hesitation. He’d fleshed out his story and rehearsed what he had to say while he waited for Jared.

  “Darkfall,” Al spat out the word like a curse. “Seems convenient you’d head to a territory the Torello family can’t touch.”

  “I’ll have the money soon. Give me another day,” Matthias said, thinking. Definitely undoable, but he knew the Torello family. His former mates repeatedly warned Matthias not to cross them. If he dragged this any longer, they’d have reason to come after him.

  “A day. Let me think.” Al made a long pause. “Are you sure you’re not stirring up trouble, werebear? I hear the Darkfall wolves don’t particularly care for outsiders who plan to cause trouble in town. The stories I hear about them even gives some of my boys the chills.”

  You and me both, Matthias thought glumly. Gritting his teeth, Matthias said, “I’ll get your money. I’m heading out of Darkfall once I get it.”

  Al gave him an address located in Stocoma City, a two-day drive from Darkfall, then cut the line. Matthias glanced at the address on the hotel notepad, and then he held up his arm, where Jared scribbled his cell phone number. Plenty of times, Matthias had been tempted to ring him up. Courage left him each time. He remembered the slender she-wolf on the ledge, her eyes burning with bright hatred. Unlike Jared, Jane Hudson wouldn’t hesitate to tear out his throat. Not just her, but the rest of their adopted family. Hell, what did it say, that even the Torello crime family didn’t risk going near Darkfall?

  Matthias got off the bed and began to pace in the tiny space. It reminded him a little of his cell, except it had scratchy carpeting and banged-up furniture instead of concrete floors and steel bars.

  Either way, one fact remained clear. No matter how much it hurt, how much it cost Matthias, he had to let Jared go. He crackled his knuckles, the walked to the bedside table, which had a six-pack can of beers and a packet of cigarettes. God, it had been year
s since Matthias indulged in any kind of vice, but the best kind of drug though, that gave him the most intense kind of high, had still been Jared. With trembling fingers, Matthias lit himself a smoke.

  He was trapped, and he knew it. Jared would fight for him without question, Matthias knew, but he’d lose his case. How would the Darkfall wolves treat a lone werebear, an outsider who took away the birth parents of two of their wolves? If Matthias slipped out of Darkfall quietly, he had the Torello werehyenas to face. Wolves or hyenas, neither prospect sounded good. What he really wanted, he couldn’t have, so what then?

  Finishing his smoke, Matthias muttered to the empty room, “I need some fucking air.”

  Dangerous and risky as it was to show his face in public, the room suffocated Matthias. Heading out, he breathed in the fresh air. In Darkfall, the smell smelled slightly of pine and the mountains. It smelled clean. If one ignored the fact Darkfall was controlled by a bunch of bloodthirsty werewolves, it could be a good place to call home, to raise cubs, to—Matthias refused to pursue that line of thought.

  He made a circle around the streets near the inn, and stopped by a diner to get some pie, before resuming. Walking cleared his head. His bear might hate his decision, but Matthias knew the beast would understand they were doing this for the sake of their mate. Matthias walked up to an empty phone booth, surprised it still worked, and pulled out his arm. He was about to slot coins in when he froze, catching sight of a man watching him from across the street.

  Looking completely normal, the guy sat on a park bench facing him, reading a paper, or pretending to. With mediocre looks, most people wouldn’t give him a second glance, but Matthias recognized him as the young man who chatted with him during the bus ride. His bear identified the young man as human, but then humans were known to work for shifters. Noticing Matthias was staring at him, the young man pretended to read his paper. Stalking out of the booth, Matthias strode to him.